Self-worth & Insecurities

This is a massive one and one I encountered regularly on my path. To give some personal context, I could be devastatingly self-critical. The reigning power of the self-abusive dictatorship was well practiced and deeply engrained. I could so often just not feel good enough no matter how hard I tried and when I did make mistakes or wasn’t a particular way, my self-talk would rain destruction on my self-worth. On top of it, I was highly introverted, socially awkward and struggled to fit in, which I took very personally. My conclusion was that I was dysfunctional, and simple not worthy of love, connection and of life itself.

Art however was something I connected with a lot and was more natural at. I thought becoming a better artist would be a solution to my self-worth crisis. It was not. This same issue reflected though-out my entire life. Sure, I made progress because of how hard I was on myself, but I also caused a lot of self-inflicted trauma. I unfortunately just didn’t know another way… Over time, the weight of living was becoming too much to bare and I found my rock bottom. I was faced with the final definitive question. Do I want to continue? Despite everything I had been through, I knew that this life was capable of being a truly beautiful and magical experience. That was the light that shone brightest in those darkest moments. My path was therefore perfectly clear and I chose to commit absolutely to this human experience. And so it was. My journey had finally begun and the clues forward began to present themselves.

Your self-worth is in fact NOT dependent on your career status, popularity, skills, etc. Over the years I have met a number of successful people, including artists (some much more successful than I) that were in ways still struggling with their self-worth. This helped to narrow that down for me.

Relationships with others, whether it be with family, friends, business or romantic partners was another avenue that lead me to further answers. The conclusion gained in this area was that I had to learn how to build a better relationship with myself. This was not as simple as it sounded but I felt that this was one of the vital keys.

I spent approximately 10+ years exploring as much as I could about this from as many different teachings I could find, including countless conversations with others open enough to share. I would then practice and experiment as much as I could to see what worked and what did not.

All these years later I can now say that the tyrannical power that had so deeply embedded itself throughout my consciousness is no longer in control. I now stand in a much more centered position within myself from having implemented building a better relationship with myself from the inside out. The relationship you have with yourself is the real core that will determine your relationship with everything and everyone in your life. As a result of doing the inner work, the people, experiences and opportunities that will now become available to you are on an entirely different level to ever before. Regardless, you will still be met with challenges to poke at any potential weaknesses you may still be holding to spur on the next level of your journey.

There are so many highly important things to share, but to keep this very brief, the absolute most important foundations I have learnt are these two:

1) SELF-AWARENESS. This is your deepest foundation before stacking on any other self-development work. I thought I knew myself, but the more I chose to explore why I was the way I was and why I wanted the things that I did, the more I realized that I was just unconsciously automated to how I already had been programmed since childhood. The more I explored my inner-self, the more my external reality was starting to make greater sense in terms of the partnered results from my decision making. It’s from this point only that I was able to understand what needed the greatest attention in my decision making process. Without self-awareness, you will not truly understand the direction your decision making is leading you towards and ultimately could result in the downfall of your entire world you’ve created for yourself. Self-awareness truly is your foundation to seeing. Know Thyself.

2) SELF-TALK. This can either be your greatest ally or your biggest enemy. This is purely dependent on how it has been repeatedly practiced over your lifetime and most certainly dictates your self-worth. The first step is becoming aware of the nature of your self-talk, especially practicing self-awareness in difficult and triggering times. This is where you may start to have lightbulb moments of recognizing your self-talk as simply your programmed mind being activated. You may also notice that the things you say to yourself are the EXACT things you have repeated to yourself again and again over your lifetime. This is your programming, it is not reality. From here, this is where the work begins of reprogramming your self-talk to those that stabilize and support you, either with how you view yourself, others or how you process challenges of every kind. The brain learns through repetition, so this must be practiced repeatedly. From here when you are yet again faced with another challenge, you will now have access to other aiding perspectives.

One of my very first reprogrammed supportive self-talk (that I practiced daily) was a general “everything will be ok, you got this”. This certainly helped in many cases and still does to this day. Other challenges needed more specific perspectives which I went on to develop many of. As a result, how I talk to myself there days, and how I navigate through challenges is a world apart from what it used to be. It has been difficult and complex work to do, but it has been so profoundly worth it.

My self-talk is what I credit as being the defining factor of how I’ve gotten to where I have today and how its helped to open up the way forward especially in those moments where its needed most. Pushing my boundaries like I do, it’s a complete necessity.

I write this so that my words can inspire those that need it. There is always a way no matter what your mind may say. May this be the lifetime you grow into your fullest self.

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