Life as is is not an easy experience by any means. Growth can be a very uncomfortable experience, especially when life is moulding you in very particular ways that are outside of mainstream majority as a creative.
What I’m going to share is my personal experience of such a journey in terms of bonding with others.
I grew up as being extremely shy, self-conscious and highly self-critical. I was very much a sensitive introvert and struggled with this for years. The positive side to it was that I could easily spend hours very regularly by myself just drawing away. I will admit, I was jealous of those who just seemed to make friends easily, and could just comfortably be social in groups and public settings. For me it was much more difficult, if even possible. As a result, it lead me to believe that I was a dysfunctional misfit, not capable or worthy of forming genuine and healthy bonds.
I went to an an art high school (The National School of the Arts in Johannesburg, South Africa) and during this period I was able to more easily make a few art friends, despite my introverted nature. This really did help to accelerate my skills and drive to push further from the competitiveness. Outside of high school however, these friendships did not last.
Trying to figure out relationships during my younger years was another story entirely. The repeated trauma that resulted did however lead me to a breaking point of having no choice but to go on an in-depth journey to figure it out. I had to recognise that I simply did not have the answers. I have learnt since, that you attract those who reflect back, amplify and test your potential weaknesses of your current stage of evolution. Your level of self-worth and the relationship you have with yourself is crucial in this regard. Relationships as an artist is another entire topic to get into and maybe I’ll get to a separate post based on my experience since its been highly influential on my journey.
Self-development became a very strong theme for me since 2016 and something I hold extremely high value to. Doing shows and conventions was for many years in the beginning an uncomfortable social experience, but I learnt to adapt and become far more comfortable with it when dealing with a broad spectrum of people. Doing talks and live demonstrations in front of audiences (which I absolutely feared) was another thing I had to learn to become better at, and I did. Now I enjoy it and want to do them. It’s at the point where I now can find myself having meaningful conversations with strangers in public. Something I never imaged possible for me.
On such a journey, I was still trying to find “my people”. I thought I may find them in the spiritual community because of how central spiritual growth became to my life. While I did meet some incredible and very aware people, this was a tiny minority within the vast majority of such a community that I found lacked self-awareness and was oversaturated with ego.
With the art community, I have very mixed thoughts. I assumed these were the people I’d connect with most. This has not exactly been so. While I may connect on surface levels concerning creativity, skill development and just general politeness, the connection very rarely ever goes further, despite my regular attempts to try connect. The artists I did manage to make more of a genuine and deeper connection with (those who I consider my friends) has been only a handful, but regardless of that, they are ones I am extremely grateful for.
The comic community, while it also includes a broad spectrum of people like any other, there are actually a lot of awesome, down to Earth people, but still, forming actual friendships has its own set of requirements to be compatible and something that can’t be forced.
Over the years, I have explored a range of different communities. There have been a number of things I have learnt in terms of human connectivity and how culture and our upbringing can define such a thing, both negatively and positively. I used to think I was the problem as to why I was unable to form friendships, despite overcoming my social anxiety, developing a much friendlier and open nature and developing far greater communication and social awareness skills.